Category: Writers Block
This Far
One step forward
Two steps back
And yet you never give in
Even now you never give up
Every time you try
Something holds you back
Every time you struggle
The grip tightens
The grip of loss
The hold of fear
The threat of sadness
And the fear of losing you
You are my life
You are mine
If loss take thee
I shall reside
In the deepest shallowness
Of the shallowest depth
In the loudest silence
Of the last anguished scream
What I have
Is yours to have
Even when we are this far
Even as the pull fights to take us
Where you are
I am as well
Even as distance cages me
This far it hurts
Farther it would kill
Closer it would please
I please
I patronize
Not you
Not ever
But she will never agree
She will never let me live
I lie
To be true
I please
To rebel
I hold you
In what was so soon before
An empty cavity
A hopeless cavern.
Wow, this is sad but also beautiful! Good work, Mikaela!
Thanks Marilyn. I have another million, both in the works and ready for posting.
Very deep and powerful words! I am very impressed! Keep up the great work Makayla! I can't wait to read your next writer's block board post! I was blown away! :) Amazing poem!
The words were powerful, but your lines left a lot to be desired. You went
from five syllables, to four, then to six, then to three, then two, then back up
again. It was very jagged and didn't flow very well. Sometimes that can work
for a poem, if you're trying to make it seem angry or something like that, but I
don't think it works with your emotions here. My suggestion would be to try to
even up the length of the lines. It will make it flow a lot better and bring the
sadness in the words out a lot more and make them felt more deeply by the
reader.
Constructive criticism. Good for an aspiring writer. Thanks'''silverLightning. No idea what your name is.
Its Cody, and you're welcome.